How To Set Up Your Meetings For Success

 

Set up is important because it provides some context to your message and gives the other attendees a heads-up for what is coming. It causes you to slow down and take the time to check your choice of words and tone of voice, ensuring that your message is interpreted correctly whilst lessening the chance of miscommunication or triggering defensive reactions.

 

There are a number of reasons many of us neglect how well we set up our comments in meetings. Certainly our movement toward brief communications (instant messaging, responding to e-mails on a smart phone whilst on the go, etc.) reduces the amount of set up we put into our conversations.

 

Also our meetings are booked back-to-back, constantly run over and often we have to fight our way into a conversation like it was a parliamentary debate. When rushed, we don’t take the time to think before we speak and preface our comments with set up. This behaviour is contagious, and as soon as one meeting attendee begins to communicate in this way, the rest will often follow suit.

 

There are a number of fundamental pieces of set up, but permission gates are my favourite. A simple request for permission to speak quickly and easily maintains a collaborative mood rather than prompting a combative mood.

 

Permission gates are critical when you are concerned about how someone might react to your comments; they encourage you to slow down and think about what you are going to say, whilst bracing the other person for your comments. I have found asking for permission to be extremely useful when entering into a difficult conversation or providing feedback to someone.

 

Here are three common meeting contexts in which permission gates can work wonders:

 

Giving feedback to someone is always difficult because of our human tendencies to take things personally and defend our behaviour versus just listening. Using a permission gate tends to soften your words: “There is something that you do in meetings that doesn’t work for me, may I tell you?” 

 

I’m not a fan of the old set up, “I’m going to play devil’s advocate here” because too often the person isn’t responsible for what they say next, or for the impact of their words. Better, I think, to say “I hear what you are suggesting, but I see things differently, may I tell you?” Obviously, you don’t need to use this permission gate every time you disagree with someone, but upon reflection, I think you’ll see the times, topics, and people where it might be the perfect approach.

 

Think of a specific meeting; what permissions would you like to have in place before you start? For instance: permission to keep the conversation to a certain agenda, permission to call on people by name or permission to ask the senior person in the meeting for comments at any time.

 

I once attended a creativity workshop at the Synectics Group in Boston. Much of the focus was on maintaining a light, supportive, open environment for the development of ideas. They advocated strongly using a technique for disagreeing with an idea. They called it the “itemised response”.

 

In the beginning, like any new move in life, it may seem mechanical – almost inauthentic, which simply means it’s new and will take practice. Here are the steps:

 

Person A: Presents an idea.

 

Person B: Responds with three ways the idea has value: “Your approach would certainly get more people involved. It would also probably lead to more alignment across the department. And it might lead to some unique ideas.”

 

Person B: Then expresses any concerns in problem-solving language: “I’m wondering how we can implement your suggestion without delaying the project in a significant way.”

 

Once again, the conversation slows, becomes more deliberate, and the tone is supportive and collaborative. The itemised response requires some set up comments before a disagreeing view is expressed. Simply said, it’s about the difference between thoughtfully speaking versus reacting without thinking. It means being more concerned about how our words land on others than about being heard. There are many people in our lives who would appreciate a gentler approach…don’t you think?

 

Hopefully my advice will help you to soften your comments during meetings, ensuring your tone is constructive and supportive whilst conveying exactly what you want to convey and achieving the desired outcome.

 

• How Good Are You At Giving Feedback?
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Paul Axtell is an author, speaker, and corporate trainer. He is the author of two award-winning books: Ten Powerful Things to Say to Your Kids and Meetings Matter. He has developed a training series, Being Remarkable, which is designed to be led by managers or HR specialists.